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Thursday, May 4, 2017

operation Mengejut Untuk akuu!!

as salam.
still baru je beberapa minggu lepas
operate usus.
reason pergi hospital that day (14/4/2017)
sebab aku sakit sgt kt bahagian abdomen kanan.
cant even breath right.
so call husband tgh keje suh anta hospital cpt.
takut pape jadi. 
lama tungu dari kul 10 pagi smpai 7malam.
tetiba doktor kata kene operate. *im scared to death time ni*
tekejut takut bedebar pasrah if
pape jadi 
semua rasa ada..
takut sebab first time kene operate. tp time tu 
da beserah. kalau pape jd kat aku 
memang pasrah . and doa je ade kt bibir aku
*aku lupa nk mntk maaf kt laki aku sbb takut sgt* haha

gambar hanya contoh dari google. this is what ive been through

husband is there all the time with me.
dari pagi spai la operation pukul 7malam.
husband pon dapat tau aku akan di operate pkul 6 lebih
so ade beberapa minit je doktor boleh brief husband
ape akan jadi kat aku and of course our little one
JANIBOY.
time tu pon aku mcm lupa kejap aku tgh pregnant 
sbb dok menahan sakit yang amat sangat.
maafkan ibu sayang. =(
hard decision for both of us after 
tau consequences yg akan jadi 
so me and husband agreed to sign the borang operation
and setuju if ape ape jadi kat aku or baby
husband kene redha.

maybe sebab sakit sgt so rasa nebes tu more kepada macam
cepat la operate hilangkan sakit ni. xtahan da rasa dia.

doktor promise my husband operation hanya akan ambik masa 
sejam or less then 2 hrs.
tp my case.
aku masok operation room kul 6 lebh reach to 7pm
then kul 10malam lebih bru aku sedar
*lucky aku dapat sedar*
then nadi problem. rendah.
so kene monitor lama kt bilik pemerhatian.

time ni aku bangun aku carik husband aku and of course my mom.
dengan wayar beselirat dengan gas oksigen kt mulut.
xsabar nk jmp husband sbb aku tau dia tgh tggu aku lama.
kul 11 lebh baru nurse tolak keluar and jmp husband dlu

the wayar all over me. bendalah ni menyakitkan gila.ALLAH JE TAU.
.

and yes first aku keluar je dari bilik tu aku nampak
muka husband aku dulu kat pntu menunggu

muka comel dia dok lambai2. ingat aku g ambek spm ke
* mcm bapak lambai anak tepi tingkap sekolah*
haha
time ni bius operation still ada. so aku xrasa sakit
and tekak aku je sakit yg amat . xleh cakap
time tu ada mak mertua aku and adik ipar.
ade along aku. * mekaseh semua tggu wanny*

baru sampai ward dari bilik operation. Husband took this, pukul 1-+ in the morning
then after da tolak masuk ward
aku da mula rasa sakit kesan operation.
sakit yg amat smpai xtido langsung.
nurse plak asek datang setiap jam check pressure. cek nadi.

kul enam pagi baru dpt terlelap sebab penat lawan sakit 
kul 6:30 nurse da kejut makan ubat..
*ko rasa??*
erm penat serius penat..
tapi sabtu (15/4/20174) aku da boleh discherge. 
syukur alhamdulilah.
mmg aku nk keluar awal. haha. kalau x sepatutnya kene tahan lagi
sehari . 

tp ini ujian untuk aku.
aku redha.
trima kasih ALLAH atas ujian ni.

smoga kesihatan aku membaik..

p/s :
thaks along kak anne tolong mandikan and mama mandikan wanny jaga makan minum wanny sepanjang wanny sakit and pantang kt ruma. hehe..wanny sayang mama dunia akhirat.
on top of all thanks to my husband.
incik suami yg susah payah dari first aku sakit smpai keluar wad. thanks sayang.
ALLAH nampak pengorbanan sayang.smoga ALLAH balas segalanya dengan sebaik2 kebaikan.
amin.

semoga ALLAH balas jasa baik semua family especially mama and family mertua untuk segala doa..


a moment to remember.
shahrine shazwanie
5/5/201
09:42am

all this while.. im just pretending

i just pretend that im strong
but the truth
im sick.

i just pretend that im happy
when the truth is im NOT.

i just pretend nothing is going on
but the truth
its hurt inside.

world. all u need to do is pretending urself that everything is alright.
and thats how u live ur life.
i will  miss myself when im gone
and im pretty sure some of them
will
feel the same too,



shahrine shazwanie
5/5/2017
09:15AM
-still alive-

Thursday, January 5, 2017

million years ago




I know I'm not the only one
Who regrets the things they've done
Sometimes I just feel it's only me
Who can't stand the reflection that they see
I wish I could live a little more
Look up to the sky not just the floor
I feel like my life is flashing by
And all I can do is watch and cry
I miss the air, I miss my friends
I miss my mother, I miss it when
Life was a party to be thrown
But that was a million years ago

When I walk around all of the streets
Where I grew up and found my feet
They can't look me in the eye
It's like they're scared of me
I try to think of things to say
Like a joke or a memory
But they don't recognize me now
In the light of day

jaga rasa orang lain

entri simple. direct baca da tau post kali ni pasal
menjaga hati perasaan orang lain.
yes. baru je melangkah ke alam perkahwinan
dengan lelaki pilihan hati
pada julai 2016.
even waktu entry ni ditulis pon
usia perkahwinan baru mencecah kurang dari enam bulan
yes. masih sgt baru.
tapi soalan macam
''bila kau nak dapat baby ni?
kau merancang ke?
''time muda ni la kau ade anak nnt leh fokes keje.
ade atleast sorang pon xpe..
aku tekaku. xtau nak jawab ape. nak menjawab lebih2 takut
dicop konon tahu.
x dijawab makin banyak hujah aku dapat.
umur baru 26 tapi seronok kalau dapat anak.
ermm
aku... tak tau la nak rasa ape.
aku ni pendiam. introvert.
bercakap bila aku rasa penting.
or akan bercakap dgn org yg aku selesa/percaya..
so kalau da topik tu asek pasal anak je
camne nak hadap??
soalan kau lagi betubi kat aku.
xde topik masak ke? futsal ke?
kemon la. banyak topik lain lg
haha
tak pe. aku kurang semangat sket kalau orang tny bab ni
takde rezeki la. nak buat cmne. belum sampai waktu
ALLAH SWT tau bila the right time nak bg hambanya rezeki.
jangan pressure. elok2 aku okay kang trus down.
tak pe la.
aku masih berdoa. dan akan terus berharap dapat
bagi suami zuriat. amin.
tunggu ko, aku ada anak nnt mmg aku bukak topik anak aku je.
haha..

dah jangan tanya lagi. aku semekdon kang.!

p/s : ade setengah orang cakap we ols ni still in honeymoon mood..
takde maknanya. suami i ols busy nak  bawak kita honeymoon bedua saje.
okay la.sambung keje.



Monday, August 1, 2016

LITTLE GIRL THAT NEVER WANNA GROW UP

as i walk alone pass by the street,
all the memories flashback into my mind.
all the strong, tough obstacle i had went through
i feel strong for a moment
but then
i realize
it doesn't stop here.
there will be a tougher road i have to face.
there will be the hardest time i have to face..
alone
which i pretty sure i'm not that strong anymore.
i wish i never grow up and met those people that hurt me
sometimes i feel jealous with the other people.
they look so happy . they cherish every part together.
they live their life as fairy tale together.

</3

its a matter of trust issue.
i don't trust people easily.
i hate that myself can easily let people use me
but that is the fact. that is me.
but no matter how kind i am towards the other
they tend to  hurt me. still.
so when i said i trust YOU, means u were the chosen one
i choose to trust u because i love u.
but when u took things for granted,.
that is the time where my heart broke into pieces.
but its okay, although its fragile, but no one can see how bad the condition was.
and they assume that my heart still in good shape.
nahh. i'm good. good at handling things like this.
and most of the time.. to be frank,
i feel scared...to death.. thinking what future undertaking life will lead.
will i be as strong as i am now. (actually not that strong anymore)
or just let life took its part,


i just...

dont wanna grow up.




sincere.
wanny
time : TBA
date : unknown

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

just a song that kept playing in my mind.

Can’t you wait a little longer?
Don’t you know my bruised and hurt heart?
Because of you, I’m crying and laughing
But why are you trying to leave me again?
Can’t you think of yourself first for just once?
Why are you hiding yourself, pretending that you’re not?
I want to live as if I forgot you
But I can’t do anything without you
The person who always stayed by my side
That person is you
I can’t hold onto it but I can’t let go
My painful love
How much more do I have to throw myself away?
Can you hear my sobbing heart?
I want to hug you like crazy
I can’t stand it without you
The person who always stayed by my side
That person is you
I can’t hold onto it but I can’t let go
My painful love
Even if I give up my everything
You’re my only one person who is worth it
My person, who is sadder than me
The person who will silently hug me
That person is you
I can’t stop it but I can’t block it
My painful love
My love

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